Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Under your skin

Every once in a few years I meet someone who has the ability to get under my skin. Someone who's effect on me is so profound that it leaves me with a knot in my stomach, perpetually confused - not understood.

Always a man, something as little as two words can do everything from giving me a pounding headache to making me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet.

I can get nervous when he calls and I will stutter when I speak. An sms from him can give me goosebumps and a hug feels warm and tingly. His authority over me and huge ego makes me hate him most the time. An abrupt conversation can leave me lost in thoughts for days.

I want to doubt him and his motives so I can keep distant but it doesn't work. He knows how to play with my mind, I can just hope it is unintentional.

I have deep respect for him, perhaps that and his raw charisma is why I surrender to his controls. There is relief when he is gone, but a desperate desire to hear from him when he is around. He is unpredictable, dangerous, incredibly intelligent, narcissistic and unavailable.

This isn't a love story, far from that infact. Beyond it - almost transcendental. The line of friendship (if that's what it can been called) hasn't been crossed and never will as the result will be my own self-destruction - or mutilation rather.

I hate to admit that I enjoy being under this convoluted spell. Besides, I don't know how to repel it. Perhaps I don't want to.
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