Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Married Men

Some of my closest guy friends are married. No, ALL my close guy friends are married. I seem to land up spending more time with them (without their wives), than with my single guy friends.
No matter which part of the world I have lived in, no matter what state of mind I have been in, no matter what stage of my life - they have been there.

No, there is nothing other than friendship between us, and cross-my-heart-hope-to-die I have never had (and never will have) an illicit relationship with a married man. Why would I want to put myself through that agony anyway? No vale la pena. Ex-girlfriends are pains enough, let alone having a wife in the picture.

We get along like a house on fire, we can laugh together, we can talk for hours and we can tolerate seeing each other more than a few times a week. It's just a cool sence of platonic belonging - like with any friend.

'Beta, you will never find a man if you always hang out with married men,' is what my mum keeps saying with a tone of resignment. Like I'm wasting my time with these guys. But find me a single man who I connect with in the same way and I will surely reassess the division of my time.

They just don't exist. Yes, the time has come when I have to say - all the happening men are married, some even have kids.

Perhaps it has got to do with sex. When you hang out with a single man - spend a lot of time, all he is hoping for from you is some fun in the bedroom.

With married men, sure they want sex too - but not necessarily from you. So your relationship automatically goes to another level where sex is not in the principal picture, and other things - the things that last - like humour, respect, care and just being, rule the relationship.

Ok, I'm single and ready to mingle, but why are these married guys hanging out with me? Other than the binding mental connection and understanding we have, I think it's the safety factor.

These guys have been my friends for anything between 4-10 years. If something was to happen between us, it would have happened by now, and the fact that it hasn't, asserts a sense of safety in their minds when they hang out with me. Like they can hang out, be themselves and enjoy some female company without being worried of any uncomfortable circumstances or consequences.

It's weird but I'd be inconsolably upset if any of these men had to take an exit from my life.

I wonder how it will be when I get married? (if I get married) I think I'd be totally fine if my husband had a close female friend, because I totally believe that a guy and a girl can just be friends. Afterall, I'm a standing example.
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