He doesn't affect my current life in any way, yet I think of him everyday. I would love to see him, yet do not crave it.
I remember vividly every conversation, every chat, every outing I have had with him.
I wake up sometimes and smile because I remembered something he said to me, maybe 5-years ago. I have messages and emails saved from ages ago. Just because.
I take refuge in whatever little time I have spent with him. It has all been pure, expectationless and nurtured little by little.
Not seeing him often has not distanced me - as physically being in his presence has been the least part of the relationship. He has always managed to move me in some way.
I have seen him strong, overpowering, overwhelming; charismatic and fierce.
I have also seen him weak and crawl into his shell.
Although only momentarily, I have seen him discouraged and defeated.
I have seen him exposed as he narrates to me nothing but the naked truth - a vulnerable side, that has only increased my respect for him.
I have learnt from him, been encouraged by him and pushed by him.
I used to be this silly little girl trying to be around him, hungry for guidance, lacking self-confidence.
Today, somehow I cannot recall feeling more like a woman but around him.
I'm not sure what I have with him, yet I don't fear losing it, as I believe I never will.
It's not love, yet somehow it's been unconditional - at least from my end.
It's not an affair - not emotional, or physical. Never has been, never will be.
Perhaps I'm living in my own bubble that will see this relationship in no other way.
I have no fucking clue; that's why I love it.