Since I've been blogging across a number of travel-blogs, I've often been victim of abundant love mail. Here are some of my favourite comments:
"Seriously can you have Abha write less articles that are about some messed up viewpoint and have him focus on travel related thing? I like reading about adventures and all things travel but he's not very good at this." (I'm often mistaken for a man)
" Wow, great - another useless column by Abha." (Yeah, it's really encouraging to write you know)
"This truly takes the cake for the most BS article ever. Abha really should stick to his/her other hobbies." (Why do you keep reading me!?)
"Yes! Another negative article from Abha. I leave for two weeks to Cambodia, and this is what I get? I'll be back in another two, maybe he/she will have been replaced." (Nope, SHE's not replaced yet)
Hmmm...actually, I thought I had way more stuff (I probably do but I need to hunt for them). I will make sure I save them in a separate folder now on so I can have a meatier such post in the future.
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
A blog bit of melodrama
Today I woke up nice and early, ready to work, ready to seize the day. I opened my computer and started looking at my RSS feeds and burst out crying. I'm not PMS-ing, nothing cry-worthy has happened.
I hate it when I get emotional for no good reason. It makes me more upset than the actual reason for which I may be crying. My persistent efforts to remind myself how lucky I am and how strong I am (or should be) help me not complain about anything and reinforce that I have no reason to be upset. Over the last year or so, I have been a sponge, absorbing many strenuous conversations of friends with "real" issues; issues in light of which my "issues" are so stupid.
So if I feel low I don't really let anyone know; putting things in perspective makes me feel ludicrous about my emotions. I lift myself up by realizing that compared to other people's mountain size problems, my so called problems are not even the size of an ant. So I shut them down and distract myself by taking a walk or going dancing.
I think that mindset, although most of the time holds, occasionally cracks to reveal a weak and vulnerable me, a me that I feel has no right or reason to surface, a me that I'm embarrassed to show to friends, a me that only my family will understand.
To add to that, what I think is only now rising from deep inside my subconscious is: nothing I am doing in my life really matters. Not to me, not to the people in my life, not to the world. All my time and energy is being spent unwisely; my ability to contribute, my immense capability to give, is being wasted.
It's a strange feeling of being deep and hollow at the same time. I don't like it. I don't want to talk about it. As is stands, it's frivolous and until I can add more context to it or come up with a solution, it's a pointless conversation.
All these ridiculous and uncalled for emotions have resulted in me being selfish with the strangers or acquaintances I have been meeting these days. Just like I'm selfish when I write on this blog.
It's easier to let your guard down with random people because you really don't care how they feel (you hardly know them), and they -- for some reason -- want to know how you feel. It is them whose time you are willing to take without worrying about the time you give them. How messed up is that.
I suppose, as I've written about before, sometimes you just need a cry.
Anyway, I feel better after writing this. To anyone who has bothered to read through -- thank you. Now I will get back to work.
I hate it when I get emotional for no good reason. It makes me more upset than the actual reason for which I may be crying. My persistent efforts to remind myself how lucky I am and how strong I am (or should be) help me not complain about anything and reinforce that I have no reason to be upset. Over the last year or so, I have been a sponge, absorbing many strenuous conversations of friends with "real" issues; issues in light of which my "issues" are so stupid.
So if I feel low I don't really let anyone know; putting things in perspective makes me feel ludicrous about my emotions. I lift myself up by realizing that compared to other people's mountain size problems, my so called problems are not even the size of an ant. So I shut them down and distract myself by taking a walk or going dancing.
I think that mindset, although most of the time holds, occasionally cracks to reveal a weak and vulnerable me, a me that I feel has no right or reason to surface, a me that I'm embarrassed to show to friends, a me that only my family will understand.
To add to that, what I think is only now rising from deep inside my subconscious is: nothing I am doing in my life really matters. Not to me, not to the people in my life, not to the world. All my time and energy is being spent unwisely; my ability to contribute, my immense capability to give, is being wasted.
It's a strange feeling of being deep and hollow at the same time. I don't like it. I don't want to talk about it. As is stands, it's frivolous and until I can add more context to it or come up with a solution, it's a pointless conversation.
All these ridiculous and uncalled for emotions have resulted in me being selfish with the strangers or acquaintances I have been meeting these days. Just like I'm selfish when I write on this blog.
It's easier to let your guard down with random people because you really don't care how they feel (you hardly know them), and they -- for some reason -- want to know how you feel. It is them whose time you are willing to take without worrying about the time you give them. How messed up is that.
I suppose, as I've written about before, sometimes you just need a cry.
Anyway, I feel better after writing this. To anyone who has bothered to read through -- thank you. Now I will get back to work.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
One of those days!
Today has been one of those days where you wake up bright and early, motivated, ready to seize the day and all that rubbish, make a constructive list of things to do, and land up doing everything BUT what's on that list. ARGH.
Not to say that what I did wasn't productive...ummm...well actually, it wasn't productive at all. But it's Saturday! That's what I'm telling myself. But when you work for yourself, everyday can be Saturday and that realization takes no time to ruin your evening as you are left full of guilt for not having accomplished much.
See, my time spent = money earned. I.e. no productivity, no money. Great way of living you'd say, but it's tougher than you realize. To be self-disciplined is one thing and to be motivated at the same time -- all the time(!!!) -- is another thing. To the extent, that today I almost envied people with a proper job, as they can afford to mess around some days, waffle and be completely unproductive -- it's not going to affect their paycheck.
Sigh. Oh well. There's my little rant for the day. I'm not going to try to be productive anymore and am going to cook instead. Tomorrow is another day.
Not to say that what I did wasn't productive...ummm...well actually, it wasn't productive at all. But it's Saturday! That's what I'm telling myself. But when you work for yourself, everyday can be Saturday and that realization takes no time to ruin your evening as you are left full of guilt for not having accomplished much.
See, my time spent = money earned. I.e. no productivity, no money. Great way of living you'd say, but it's tougher than you realize. To be self-disciplined is one thing and to be motivated at the same time -- all the time(!!!) -- is another thing. To the extent, that today I almost envied people with a proper job, as they can afford to mess around some days, waffle and be completely unproductive -- it's not going to affect their paycheck.
Sigh. Oh well. There's my little rant for the day. I'm not going to try to be productive anymore and am going to cook instead. Tomorrow is another day.
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